mayer.it might get loud. upton. wilco. u2. switchfoot. derek webb. bon iver. varnadore. crash this place

ive always wanted to do one of these, i just always forget until half way through the year, and then its just pointless. im gonna list my favorite albums from this past year. these are in no particular order. check them out if you dont have them already.

I am flesh and you are Spirit

Life hasn't been easy, these past few weeks. our last post stated we were pregnant, and just that alone took us through an ocean full of emotions. we weren't planning, so we were like ok, then started dreaming about this new life, started picking names, and in less than a week it was all gone, the baby, our first baby, gone. I had a miscarriage on Friday, the day after the doctors told us we were having a baby, an easter baby! April 14th, was the due date. I went through all these ups and downs and i am pretty controlled now, except for a casual banter of frustration.

I have so many questions, the main one being, how should i feel about all this? Will i ever understand why this happened? Everyone is doing their best to encourage me that God will use this in my testimony, but to be honest i don't want it to be another notch on my belt that i can say i went through. By all means God, if you can use this for your glory and someone can come to you through my pain use it, but at this state, those are not the most comforting words.

Friday when I was just bleeding out this baby, that we had dreamed up a life for, I felt so out of control, I couldn't save this life that I wanted so badly, and my sweet husband just held me and we (I) cried for hours, because this little life was gone and their was nothing I did to cause this tragedy, or I could do to change the outcome. Zac just laid next next to me and he didnt't care he was all up in my snot, he just was there mourning with me, he was the perfect example of what Christ calls his church too. mourn with those who mourn and weep with those who weep.

As i am writing this i see how much we humans like to control things, we even like control things that keep us in a stagnant place in our lives, just to feel this sense of control.

I see how much God needs to be in control, and allowing him to come in and be all up in my stuff, and making sure i step back and soak in His amazing love that brings a sense of peace that surpasses all my understandings.

I personally am doing much better but, i am broken, and i know that is the place where i need to be before the throne of the almighty one.
Come heal my heart oh Lord, make me a new creation yet again, and take what I have been through and use it to reach the world for your Glory.

I could just buck up and pretend all is find, but i rather take all my brokenness and lay it all the feet of Jesus and say put me together again, add a few new pieces that will make me shiny an anew.

God is my strength and his love is strong and i am flesh and he is spirit, and my flesh needs his spirit to breathe life in me again!

oh yea i almost forgot....

we are having a baby! we are 6 weeks prego, and are due in april!

mary magdalene and jesus

Mandy and i were talking today and she brought up this question:

" I wonder what Mary Magdalene looked like when she first meet Jesus?"

i sat there for just a second and just thought about the image, of being so desperate to pour out all you have at the feet of Jesus and not really caring much about anything people thought about you. we can find in the Bible that she was a 'sinner' ( luke 7:36-50) and that was more so than not a hooker.

she was considered someone who was not worthy, someone who was only associated with in the late evening hours , and she crossed a lot of cultural barriers to meet Jesus. i was thinking today at how many of us are bound to our "church cultural barriers" and how those prevent us from pouring ourselves out at Jesus feet. there seems to be so much pressure on the way we look, how we dress and who we associate ourselves with, i think it all gets in the way. the beauty i find in this story is that, she was desperate to forsake any dignity she had left, fully expose herself and give up what the world (the religious leaders) called wealth: her perfume.
(she gave up the very thing that made her the most desirable to men)

are we this desperate? are willing to just say this is me, and i need jesus, get out of my way?! i wonder how many churches would allow a mary magdalene in on a sunday morning? i think its time we get desperate, and pour ourselves out at the feet of jesus and give everything we have.

are you ready?

under my skin

so ive been listening to a lot of music lately and some of it, i just cant seem to get away from. i cant get it out of me... what is it about honest and in your face lyrics that get under our skin? i dont know about you guys but, i love when then happens. i love hearing a song for the first time and just drowning in it. a good friend of mine told me that "music is what feelings sound like" and i think we are all looking to feel something, and connect to it. we all want to be apart of something, and i think music is the best way to make friends and keep them.

here are some note worthy bands/artist that will get under your skin if you want them to or not:
wiclo
kings of leon
john mark mcmillan
jason upton
preson phillips
jon helser
ryan adams

give those guys a spin and let become friends!

alaska. going home

so there has been a lot going on with mandy and i, but long story short we are moving back to alaska. we are leaving on wednesday. we will miss our friends and the memories we have made along the way. this decision to move, is bigger than us (trust me, ive never moved so much in three months ever). we had a huge yardsale today, we did really well. God has really opened doors for us, and we feel like Jonah, we needed to be obedient a few months ago, and we have been on the ship in stormy weather, and then we jumped off and are feeling a huge peace....BUT we have to be obedient still. (what an endless cycle) anyway. we will be in the great north next week, and frankly i cant wait to go home.

so farewell florida and north carolina, we will meet again, and hello alaskan friends who i have not seen in a long time.

im still on my ryan adams kick, and it is getting better and better. go and buy "love is hell" album and lets talk about it.

zac

birthdayi year

this is mandy and i in alaska one year ago! we celebrated our one year anniversary yesterday. it has been a great year, God has proved himself more than faithful. we have been blessed with many friends and such great memories.

we also celebrated our birthdays this week, mine is today and mandys was last monday. life has been good. of course there are ups and downs, but thats what makes life worth living. we are excited for this next year and the adventures it will bring.

i hadnt updated the blog reciently, we have been so busy. (we will explain that one later). we just know this: God is faithful, his love is strong, it never fails, never quits and never gives up. no matter what else is going on in your life right now, just know that no matter what, at the end of the take a step back and let God be God and you be you, thats how its suppossed to be. find your strength in the power of his resserection, and by his blood we have overcome.

ive currently been building my ryan adams collection, and thanks to al jones, it is now complete. ill be busy listening for a while, its one of those tunes you can really sink into and let it all fade away.

just wrapping up a 5 day vacation, and we honestly didnt go anywhere. we hooked up with good friends, and stayed home, and that is the one place i want to be.

zh

welcome home.

here are some pictures of our house in north carolina. we have been so blessed since we've been here, God has been so faithful. we are still getting settled in, and getting used to the routine here.

some of our friends from lakeland came to see us, so that has been super fun. some of my favorite things about north carolina are Haps, and Cheerwine. i dont know how the rest of the world can function without the two.

anyway, we have our second youth service tonight, so enjoy the pictures and we will post again soon.

--zh

cardboard boxes and a laptop

(hope, beau, maylee, erika, jhon)

well, we are just about ready to hit the road and head to north carolina. we are pretty much packed except the essentials. i finished up work yesterday and mandy is done today, we've got a few good bye dinners, a wedding and family time and then we are outta here. we leave on tuesday sometime.
i never thought i would miss lakeland that much, i could never wait to leave, but now my heart is heavy.

for me lakeland was a huge part of my life, because i feel like i found myself and figured out who i was. i have had some great memories, my most favorite is meeting mandy almost three year ago... crazy. but ive got some crazy good friends here too. im really going to miss all our friends at vine; the past year and a half with them was really good, they really welcomed us, and we had some good times. im glad i get to worship and play with them one last time tomorrow. this week has been a week of goodbyes, i still got a few on the list though.

mandy and i were talking about it the other day, lakeland was our starting point, its where we found each other, got our first job, our first apartment, we have a lot of sweet memories woven into this awkwardly humad and 'redneck' town.

im really excited for jduke and saralynn and their marriage later this year, and chirs and his band, and what god is doing in lief and audra. there are so many people i am going to miss and would like to mention so here is thier names all at once hlcadadamjoshderekbraddanathehamicscolton!

i posted a picture of my siblings, ive been thinking about them alot, i dont see them very much, and my mom keeps me updated through facebook about them. they are growing so much, and changing (mostly the columbian ones). they are super fun and really sweet. i had a little free time and i just wanted to post a little thoughts about where we are at now....

i am thankful for the places that we have been and excited for the places that we'll go, ive moved so much my life can fit in a few cardboard boxes and inside a laptop, i kinda like it that way. next post will be of our trip to NC.

ps. 37:23--Th elord directs the steps of the godly. he delights in every detail of their lives. amen

-zac

the window is open and i accept the breeze

last week mandy and i went to visit a church we had been talking with in north carolina about taking a position that they had open. we were totally open to whatever we would feel/experience we didnt want to force anything, and just wanted to walk through the doors that God would open. we had a wonderful time, we met a lot of really nice people, ate some killer grilled steak, took a great nap on a couch and play some pingpong, and threw water melons into a birdbath from t.e porch! but most importantly we felt loved and we treated well. we felt the presence of god, and his love through the community and all of the smiling faces. there is something about that carolina breeze that can make anyone feel at home! we are moving to salisbury north carolina at the end of the month, and we are very excited for the opprotunity that has unfolded right in front of us.

change is good, its refreshing, it keeps us sharp and on our toes, it reminds us that we are not totally in control, and that we really do need God. so we welcome the change.

i was in a band once for a short little time and we had a lyric that said "the window is open and i accept the breeze" that is how we feel about this move, we have opened our hearts the what God is going to do and wants to do in us, and we are following is lead.

if you could keep us in your prayers during this tranisition time, that would be awesome. we love you friends, and we'll talk soon


ps. coldplay is giving away a free album
http://lrlrl.coldplay.com/leftright.html

zh

graduation

mandy is graduating college this week! im so proud of her, so has accomplished so much, when the odds were stacked against her. she is the first person in her family to graduate a traditional highschool, and the continue to college. on saturday may 2nd she will graduate with a BA is Church Leadership and a minor in youth ministries. she makes me so proud. some of my family is flying down from alaska to celebrate and then next weekend we will be doing to north carolina to visit the church we have been interviewing with.

anyway, take care

God's unconditonal love

Since Good Friday, I have been just engulfed if the fathers love for me and this whole universe. we mere humans love each other with conditions or with high expectations and here is a God who is the highest expectation and we doubt him, we doubt that his love, his mercy, and his unconditional ways are not enough for our situation. God has been working on me to get out of my selfishness, where i end up only thinking i am the one that is struggling, i am the only one enduring hardship, when i may have only experienced a slight ramification of "hardship". I struggle with this because life hasn't been the easiest journey for me, but i know that i know, its all for His glory and like King David waited 15-20 years for the fulfillment of Samuel's prophecy, i can wait, because i know that my God will never forsake me, and he wouldn't bring me this far to leave me. He is always faithful in his timing, and his timing always turns out to be the best anyways, so why don't we just wait, and be patient, because the Lord knows what is best, because he knows us more than we know ourselves. God is teaching me to relax and slow down, and enjoy everything i have learned and live it out.

saturday and hurricanes.

i have blogged more than i thought i would, today was a great day! oh man, God is so good, and i mean that. i think sometimes we employ "christianeese" out of routine or whatever, and thats wierd to me anyway..... my wife and i visited a church this morning that is right across the street from our house, since we stepped down from the ministry position we were in, we just felt like we needed to go somewhere neutral and just allow God's love to just peace just restore us.

i have learned lately that sometimes the blessing from God looks and feels more like a curse, and it doesnt make sense to other people, (or ourselves for that matter). i am a huge believer that as a christian life is not easy, and there are valleys and more valleys, and the some mountain tops. something God has been teaching me is too trust even in the valley, and that there is blessing in the valley. i think a bigger blessing than most of us realize, our hearts just have to be open to it. my mom is a nurse and she delivers babies and she made a cool connection a few years ago, that i was reminded of. for every gift/blessing/new season, there is a 'birthing season' of season of struggle, and pain, and desperation, before the blessing. God uses the valley to take us to the mountain top, to restore our vision, to give us a taste of what is to come. i know this sounds funny coming from a guy, but this past 4 months my wife and i can totally relate (no, we dont have children yet haha knock on wood).

today at church the pastor talked about how our life is like a canvas and that we can struggle with the artist all we want but, in the end we are going to look like his plan for us. and for some of us the artist is painting our lives the way we want, and at the same time things are not going as well for others... and some of us are in between a good day and a bad day. he sumed it up with this cool thought...

for some us we are like the early church and followers of Jesus, something new and fresh has arrived, and it is what we are made for, and we dive right in and before we know it, its gone (Jesus's death). We dont understand, we are left in the dark, life has thrown us a curve. Those days are called friday.

then for some of us, our friday has already come, we have seen the initial promise of God, we have caught a glimps of how things are going to be, and we are left hoping and doubting that sunday's promise will happen, and we are kinda left stranded it feels like. we feel lost, out of place, and completely flat, but there is a small amount of hope stirring inside of us. this day is called saturday.

the only thing left to come, is the day when everything is made new, the stone is rolled away and the glory of God is relvealed, that is our mountaintop. this day is called sunday.

today is a saturday for us, friday happened about 4 months ago, the sun has not totally set, but we know sunday is on its way, i can smell it in wind (Ps. 104:4), its like are alomst over the top of the sand dune, and we can roll down into the oasis! i cant wait!

"his love is like a hurricane, i am tree, bending in the waiting of his mercy- John Mark McMillian"
one of my favorite lyrics, and we are ready.

currently listening to : "blood bank": by Bon Iver

new iphones

oh and my wife and i finally got iphones, goodbye alltel, hello at&t. they are super fun! and i suggest everyone get one...


check out a good friend of ours blog
www.yardonahill.blogspot.com

Psalms 103

I really love the Pslams, there is so much power in those words, and it really encourages me as a worshiper and a follower of Jesus to just let it all out. everything with in me, anyway.,,
i was reading psalms 103 and i came across a verse that really flooded my heart with grace... "he does not treat us as our sings deserve, or repay us according to our iniquities" (ps. 103:10) how beautiful is this? i was overwhelmed with love and grace, and a peace just rested on me. it was really interested. the rest of the chapter goes into further detail of how much God loves us and how through Jesus all things are forgiven, and how great his love is for us.

i also began to think of as christians how many times have we shown the opposite to wrong us? we sometimes live in this conditional world, that is quick to react towards someone who wrongs them, or cast judgement. i think since we have been set free, we should begin to set others free, i really think we can liberate the world aroumd us, and Gods grace and love will flood the earth. its what im praying for, and lately God has been giving me a lot of opprptunities to forgive.

currently listening to : "make you move" by john mark mcmillan

happy reserection weekend!
go out and love the world!

doors.

so it is april now, wow time has really flown by. over the past month we have been in such a huge state of transition... i think we are always in transition, we are all moving from some place to the next and somethings just happen at a faster rater than others. for the past year and a half my wife and i were youth pastors at a church in town, and we had poured so much of ourselves into the ministry and the families there. we have the best friends there, and some really great memories, and some really bad ones too. reciently in the past two weeks our position was cut (we actually stepped down a few weeks early just to help the resolve the situation). as hard as it was knowing that we were not going to have a job anymore, it was even harder being there when we knew our hearts were somewhere else. about a month ago, it was like God just turned out the lights inside our hearts for that ministry. we love the kids so much, and their families, but we felt like something was up.

it is funny how God works too, he closes doors (sometimes it feels like he slams them in your face) and he opens doors. the day after we stepped down, an opprotunity for a pastor position opened up effortessly right in front of us. we feel a strong peace about the entire situation and are continuing to seek God's face for this next season of our lives. we do not have anything burdensome holding us back, and we havent quite got that sense of adventure (but i feel it coming). i love the relationships we have built here, some of the greatest friends ive ever had, but i know that a friendship cant be measured by miles....

so we shall see what happens in the next few weeks, ill keep you posted.
currently listening to: Josh Moore on myspace

-zh

First Blog

hello. this is our first blog. it might take a little while to get everything set up, but we should be able to get it all figured out pretty soon. in the mean time.... try less and trust more

-zh